The 'mommaxxing' trend aestheticizes motherhood. But moms are already maxxed out

If you've scrolled societal media or perused the domain astray net as of belatedly, chances are you've seen references to "maxxing," which is essentially internet slang for optimizing or maximizing.

Perhaps you've read tips for sleepmaxxing, or warnings about looksmaxxing, watched Reels about proteinmaxxing or stared incredulously at this very website as we discussed sardinemaxxing. In each case, it refers to doing something to its fullest — applying every sleep hygiene tip at once, for instance, or eating 1,000 sardines in a month for their purported health benefits.

And now, with the heaviest of sighs, we'll tell you about the newest trend compelling people to go all in on one specific aspect of their lives: mommaxxing.

Also known as mommymaxxing — or depending on your personal situation, workingmommaxxing, girlmommaxxing, or singlemommaxxing — this pressure-cooker parenting trend essentially idealizes a maximum-strength, highly curated version of motherhood.

Mommymaxxing influencers post about postpartum workout routines and skincare, matching baby and mama outfits, keeping an aesthetically pleasing home, making nutritious snacks, turning everyday tasks into whimsical dance parties (also called ... Whimsymaxxing) and generally looking fit, stylish and above all, happy.

"I still can’t believe I get to be their mom," Lauren Perez, an L.A.-based influencer and founder of a haircare brand, says in an Instagram post showing herself laughing and cuddling with her outfit-co-ordinated children in a blanket spread on a manicured lawn.

"Turning a 'trap' into a treasure," writes someone in another #mommaxxing Instagram post about taking advantage of breastfeeding to meet her reading goals and "feed two souls at once."

"It means getting consistent in the gym, fixing my gut health, healing emotionally, becoming financially stable, creating a routine and discipline, and really focusing on putting myself first in order to be the best mom I can be," another TikTok influencer said in her recent video about singlemommaxxing.

“This is really not what moms need, and certainly not realistic,” Lapointe said.

“Having a child and being responsible for a life isn’t about an aesthetic. It is about the nurturing of an actual being.”

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Expectations for modern parenting have become so all-consuming that researchers now have a term for it: the intensification of parenting. 

As examples, data shows parents today spend more time with their children than in previous generations, with the predominant style focused on nearly unconditionally validating a child's feelings, leaving many feeling burned out.

More women are working full time, but women also still consistently take on a larger share of unpaid household work, including chores and child care, according to a 2022 Statistics Canada report. 

Even the U.S. Surgeon general has acknowledged these pressures, issuing a public health advisory in 2024 about the impact on parents' mental health.

There’s nothing new about the pressure for women to be perfect mothers, said Shana MacDonald, the O'Donovan Chair in communication at the University of Waterloo, who researches social and digital media. 

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“It’s a bit of a fashion show of idealized consumer products that then prove that you are worthy of motherhood, that you are doing this correctly."

It also shares some similarities with tradwife culture, a highly aesthetics-driven internet subculture of women embracing “traditional” homemaker roles where becoming a mother is the ultimate achievement, MacDonald added.

“It really makes sense that that perfect peaceful life that gets projected as a tradwife … would extend to the beautifying of yourself as a mother.”

Online, some parents have openly criticized mommaxxing. A content creator who goes by MomBum wrote in the U.K.’s GraziaDaily that she tried it — bought all the best baby products, went to “mummy Pilates,” lost weight and wore makeup — and said the result was “toxic.”

“It was all a façade, because behind closed doors I was exhausted and hungry and everyone was crying,” she wrote.

“For the first time in my life, I was really trying as hard as I could, and it still wasn’t good enough, it still felt like I was failing.”

Stacy McCann, a Missouri-based therapist, wrote on Instagram in March that she rejects the concept of motherhood "as a metric."

"Motherhood is the mess. Motherhood is the chaos. Motherhood is the nuance. Motherhood is the micro moments."

Mommaxxing is unsustainable and unattainable for many people, said Lapointe, the parenting consultant. In addition, trying to look good on the outside to feel better on the inside simply doesn’t work, she added.

“When we spin our wheels like that, especially in matters of the heart and matters of life, we tend to burn out pretty quick.”

Senior Writer & Editor

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