Many Canadians are spending less time with friends. How can we build deeper connections?

Every midweek, members of the Toronto Dingos direct a lifetime update to their aggroup confabulation. 

“You just take 30 seconds to a minute out of your day ... And share with everyone what’s going on in your life,” Mike Bocian, captain of the mixed-age Aussie rules amateur football club, told Now or Never.

Justin Robertson, the club’s president and coach, says the tradition began after a devastating loss that "rocked them."

Nothing appeared amiss in 2018 when one of the footballers, who had returned for a second stint with the team, attended their first practice on a Thursday. By Monday, the club learned he had taken his own life.

Out of that tragedy grew the Dingos’ weekly video check-in, known as the “Wednesday Waffle” — Australian slang for banter — so that something like that “doesn’t happen ever again,” said Robertson. 

The ritual underscores how regular, meaningful connection can help combat isolation at a time when many Canadians struggle to maintain friendships, says Parveer Brar, a registered clinical counsellor in B.C.

Sustaining close relationships requires consistency and intention, particularly as busy schedules and competing demands pull people in different directions, she says. Whether a bi-weekly phone call or a monthly meetup, planned time together can help friendships endure. 

Canadians have been “spending less and less time with friends,” according to a Statistics Canada study conducted from 1986 to 2022. 

In 1986, 47.9 per cent of Canadians saw friends on an average day. By 2022, that figure had fallen to just 19.3 per cent. 

Bocian has noticed the same trend in his own life. Since turning 40, he’s seen his friendships fade.

“After being out of university, and just focusing on my career, some of those relationships that you have just really start to dwindle,” he said. “You start focusing more and more on your life, and your family, and the needs of those people within that small group.” 

A major reason for this, says Brar, is due to “how busy everyone is.” 

The StatsCan report found that in 2022, Canadians felt the “most pressed for time” since the early 1990s, when data collection on the topic began. The research suggests the COVID-19 pandemic triggered longer-term societal shifts. 

“People in the past … had a little more time to be spontaneous,” said Brar. “Now, it’s like, ‘Let me call them ahead of time, plan this week ahead of time,’ [and] make sure it works with their schedules.”  

As well, the report revealed that in 2022, Canadians were “more likely to worry about not spending enough time with family or friends than in 1992.” 

Statistics Canada data suggests people are spending less time with friends than before

Kimberley Brownlee, the Canada Research Chair in Ethics and Political and Social Philosophy at the University of British Columbia, says the ways people form friendships in modern culture have “watered down” our understanding of what it means to be a friend.

“When Facebook was the big social media platform, ‘friending’ someone was something you could do,” she said. “[But] that little click [isn’t how] you become a friend … friendship takes time, effort, commitment, vulnerability, compassion.” 

Brar says this shift has changed how people view meaningful interaction. 

“People … can look at their list of followers, and there can be like hundreds to thousands, but in terms of a real connection, of a true friendship, they may not be able to identify a single one,” she said. 

“We’re having these connections, but they’re not deep connections.” 

Friendships, says Brar, are a valuable type of relationship as they provide unique emotional support. 

“They can offer you a new perspective, a new way of thinking, a new way of dealing with a problem that you may be having.”

In defining what a healthy friendship is, Brar says it’s being with “someone who you can be your authentic self around.”

A healthy friendship, she explains, is a two-way relationship. Both friends provide support, celebrate each other’s successes, and are there during tough times.

You feel heard, validated, and accepted without needing to put on a façade.

“They accept you for who you are,” said Brar.

Brownlee adds that people with the “strongest levels of well-being” tend to have a “diverse social profile.” 

While they may have a few close, long-term connections — such as a romantic partner or one or two close friends — they also interact with a broader circle of friendly neighbours, acquaintances, colleagues, and even casual contacts they greet on the street.

“There’s also varieties in the identities of the people with whom they have contact, so across generations [and] cultures,” she said. 

Brar suggests one way to build new friendships is by joining groups or attending regular activities, such as a fitness class, at the same time each week. 

Repeatedly seeing familiar faces opens the door to small, casual conversations — asking if someone has taken the class before or how their day is going.

Then, over time, these brief interactions can grow into deeper connections, Brar says, like grabbing a coffee or smoothie together, and sometimes even develop into lasting friendships.

For Dingos president and coach Justin Robertson, having a set structure has made a difference as it provides a clear way to stay connected.

“What started as, ‘This is my work week, these are my hobbies,’ led to — over the weeks that rolled on — guys opening about job loss [and] stresses,” he said. “The longer it went, the more comfortable we felt with each other.” 

Friendships don’t form automatically, says Brownlee. Even a small connection requires effort, followed by ongoing investment.

“It takes a willingness to bid for someone’s attention — to be interested in learning about them,” she said.

If you or someone you know is struggling, here's where to look for help:

Journalist

Interview with Toronto Dingos produced by Sara Tate

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