The R-word was taboo as a slur for people with disabilities. Now it's being normalized again

Growing up with land syndrome, Liz Etmanski says she was called plentifulness of derogatory names in school day — but the briny ace was always the R-word.

“[It’s like] having the wind knocked out of you, like you're not visible to them. It's really like an attack to your heart,” said Etmanski, an artist, writer and advocate in her 40s, living in Surrey, B.C.

“People that use it think they can get away with it … all they're doing is putting you down.”

The R-word has been considered taboo for years, used as a slur against people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. In the 2010s, celebrities including the Kardashians and basketball player LeBron James issued apologies for using it publicly.

But the slur appears to be making a resurgence, despite its ongoing capacity for harm. It’s been frequently used by high-profile figures like Elon Musk and Joe Rogan, while U.S. President Donald Trump levelled it against Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz in a Thanksgiving Day post last year. People appeared to follow his example in the weeks that followed, Montclair State University tracked a more-than-threefold increase in the word being used on social media platform X.

Paul Etherington, who co-founded the disability awareness non-profit Motionball, says he’s definitely noticed that people have been using the slur more frequently in the last two to three years.

“Sadly, I think it is because of North American and international leaders, be it in technology or industry or government, who feel it's okay to use that word,” said Etherington, whose organization encourages people to stop using the R-word with its campaign No Good Way.

Amy Hewitt is a researcher who focuses on helping people with intellectual disabilities feel included in their communities. She says that leaders using the word makes other people think it’s OK — but there was also a sense that the debate over the R-word was over.

“We just sort of made an assumption we're beyond that and we're not,” said Hewitt, director of the Institute on Community Integration at the University of Minnesota. 

“New people are born, new people grow up. And I think it's a constant educational campaign.”

Use of the R-word is often framed as a freedom of speech issue; Rogan described its resurgence as “one of the great culture victories” on an episode of his podcast last year.

For Hewitt, the focus on being free to say something can’t be uncoupled from its impact.

“My question is, ‘Why would you want to use language that is known to be hurtful, and that people are asking you not to use?’” she said.

“You're showing who you are as a human being if you think that's OK to still use words that people tell you are hurtful to them.”

Hewitt said she’s seen that impact first hand: her brother-in-law has an intellectual disability. At a grocery store one day, they overheard another customer calling someone the R-word.

“He was happy and smiling and when he heard that, it just was like somebody stabbed him in the gut,” she said. “It was a gut punch.”

She said she’d welcome the chance to sit down with Rogan.

“There are probably other words, derogatory words that he chooses not to use for whatever reason, and I'd like to share with him reasons he might not want to use the R-word,” she said.

“I think if he could sit down with Liz and a bunch of other people who have been hurt by that word, he might listen — but we have to make that kind of engagement happen.”

Liz Etmanski’s dad, Al Etmanski, said it’s important for people living with disabilities to have the opportunity to speak up for themselves.

He said his daughter has always tried to do this, including handling high school name-calling. 

“The assumption should be that everybody is welcome, everybody is making a contribution already, and our job is to highlight that, recognize it, appreciate it, and remove the barriers,” said Al, who is in his 70s, a longtime parent advocate and the author of The Power of Disability.

For her part, Liz has been living independently from her parents for two decades, and enjoys being able to “call my own shots.”

“I call my parents when I need help, or they're there whenever I need to talk. They became my friends in my life,” she said.

As an artist, she sees people as works of art — and that’s how she’d like the world to see her.

“A work of art, I use that instead of the R-word, I think that people are all very unique,” she said.

Audio produced by Kate Swoger and Arden McLeod.

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